Category: Healing

Why the iniquities of the Fathers matter

4/1/2016

This is long. I have had a lot of questions about generational sin and whether it is scriptural. Hopefully, this article will clear up some of those concerns.

Introduction: This paper is not about original sin in any way. I am not advocating the despicable doctrine propagated by the likes of Augustine, Luther, and Calvin, which is still a major tenet of many denominations today. We are not conceived as sinful beings. We are born into a world ruled by sin and sinful people. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by YHVH. Yet, from the moment of conception we are governed by both the physical genetics of our parents and also their spiritual history.

Throughout the Word of Elohim, we are instructed to teach our children the ways of YHVH. We are also instructed about the consequences of not doing so. “I, YHVH your elohim am a jealous el, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the third and fourth generation.” (Ex 20:5; Ex 34:7; Deut 5:9; Num 14:18)

The word translated “visiting” in English is the Hebrew word poqad - from the root paqad (פָקָד) meaning to number, visit, muster, appoint. It is the same word used twice in Numbers 4:49 for appointing as well as numbering or counting. Perhaps if we use the term counting or numbering instead of visiting, we would see a different picture. Is it possible YHVH is saying that He will number or count the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation? If so how is this different than what we normally associate with this verse?

My Journey - Part 1

6/29/2015

I have not written in a while. The Father has been working on me. It has been rough. I believe I am coming out on the other side, though there is now the work of learning and operating in the new way of being. Whole. What does this mean?

As an adjective, whole is used to designate the full amount, the entirety of a thing, its completeness, undivided, unbroken, undamaged. In noun form, the word indicates something that is complete in itself, with all its components or elements operating as a unit. We know this idea from the teaching of Scripture on the body. Although, the physical body has many cells, organs, limbs, it operates as a unit, a whole. Similarly, we are told that the body of Messiah works the same. Many members, each with a specific function, all working together to produce something that the pieces parts on their own can never achieve.

The Hebrew word echad relays a similar concept. Consider the declaration from Deuteronomy 6: Shema Israel, YHVH eloheinu, YHVH echad. Hear Israel, YHVH is our God, YHVH is one. In Genesis 1:26, YHVH refers to himself as a plural unity: Let us make man in our image. This is not the time or place to go into trinity theology. Suffice it to say that YHVH is not three gods in one, but rather uses manifestations of Himself for specific situations. He is One in different forms at different times. We have this word, echad, used in the shema, and indicates once again, the wholeness, completeness, perfection of the Creator of the Universe.

This image we are created in, is used repeatedly as a metaphor in YHVH’s Word. Basar echad. One flesh. This is the term used to define marriage. Two people (of the opposite sex) coming together to become a new form of echad. Each on his/her own is echad, but coming together like this, they become echad in a different way. Two parts uniting for new purpose. This is a way of being that is intimately connected to the One who created all things. There is no room for independence.

CONUNDRUM

7/3/2014

This post is the first of several looking at the doctrine of female submission. I have been told I am a glutton for punishment. It's probably true, otherwise, why would I be taking on this subject? I am going to try, to the best of my ability, to look at what Scripture says, and not what I have been told and/or taught it says. Please, bear with me. I do not claim to have it all figured out, but I do know from personal experience that there are enough problems and contradictions with this way of thinking to warrant a serious re-thinking of it. Let’s try real hard not to impose post creation paradigms to this. Just for the sake of humoring me, let’s pretend that all we have is what we are told in the first two chapters of Genesis. Here we go . . .

During the week of creation, YHVH separated. He separated the water from the water, the water from the land, and the light from the dark. YHVH finishes His creation work and pronounces it “very good.” He gave instruction to the Adam to cultivate the land, and to keep (shamar - to watch, preserve and guard over) the garden, and to not eat of a specific tree. In Gen 2:18 YHVH says, “It is not good for the Adam (humankind) to be alone.” What is meant by this? He was not “alone”. Adam had one-on-one intimate contact with YHVH. Adam had relationship with the Creator and they fellowshipped together. This word (alone) in the Hebrew is from the root 'bad' and means separation; a part. Hmmm. Interesting.

What most seem to dismiss is that the Adam was man/woman unseparated (Gen. 2:23). The “man/woman” became man and woman only when they were separated. Did YHVH make a mistake in creating one being with both attributes? The text says He created this being “in our image.” Based on this, what can we understand? The Adam (complete humankind) was created in the image of YHVH and included in the Adam was the possibility of separating the Adam into different manifestations - man and woman. I believe it can be logically observed from the text that when YHVH said it is not good for the Adam to be alone that it could also mean - it is not good for the Adam to be unseparated.

Just as YHVH has different manifestations in his Echad (oneness), he created the man in this likeness. The different manifestations of YHVH include His physical manifestation in Yeshua and the manifestation of His Ruach (Spirit) which dwells within His children. This is NOT three gods in one, it is One God with different manifestations.* I believe that at the time of the separating of the man/woman, there was a prophetic inkling of the possibility of YHVH separating Himself into humankind as The Messiah and a short time later as a way of putting His Spirit within us.

Did the separating make one manifestation less than the other? Are not both manifestations still the Image of YHVH? The idea of creation establishing a hierarchical order for men and women simply cannot be supported if we believe that Adam, literally humankind, inclusive of man and woman, was created in YHVH’s image. Either they both are the image of YHVH and as such equal bearers of that image or YHVH lied.

More to come . . .

*Semantics. Could be, but one of the things I am coming to terms with is the way language is used and abused. The three gods/persons-in-one concept is not Scriptural in relation to YHVH.

The Bridge or the River

5/17/2014

A while back, the under shepherd of our little congregation used this picture to emphasize a point he was making. I have been thinking about it ever since. Look at it carefully. It is a picture of a bridge and river. It is real and has not been photoshopped.

In 1998 Hurricane Mitch ravaged Central America. 5,600 people died in the storm and more than 12,300 were injured. Over 150 bridges in Honduras were destroyed but the Choluteca Bridge was engineered and constructed so well it survived intact. The Japanese company that built the Choluteca Bridge was so proud of their workmanship they put a photo of the bridge on their company brochure. The storm was so severe it actually shifted the river, which now flows around the bridge instead of under it. It is a very sturdy bridge to nowhere, without any useful function. A ton of applications could be made, but I will go the way I am led.

For years, I have studied to determine my purpose and function as a woman of YHVH according to Scripture. It is not meant to be disrespectful, although to some it seems that way. I am not trying to be a feminist, although I am often labeled so. It is not my intent to argue or convince anyone. I just want to know the truth. Am I, as a woman of Yah, bound to interpretation of Scripture that cannot sustain itself? Is the call on my life any less important than that of a man? And yet . . . I have often been confined to certain spheres of influence. I don’t mind these at all, but to say that because I am a woman I cannot exercise my influence beyond a specific point is unscriptural, unsupported from Jewish history, and doesn’t fit with Yeshua’s ministry. Contradictions within the very passages used to support this doctrine abound and must be reconciled for YHVH is not the author of confusion.

All ancient literature is read with an understanding of its original context, language, and type. The Scriptures must be read this way as well, if we are to get any kind of understanding of what it is trying to tell us. Lifting sentences or passages out of their defining context to support what it does not say is to violate the intent of the author - in this case - YHVH. Scripture must be read with an understanding of when it was written and what it was addressing for that time if we are to correctly apply it to our lives today.

This is an ongoing issue for me. I will continue to elaborate as I am led and hopefully bring some light into a situation that causes frustration for not only women, but men as well. Will we be the unmoving bridge of doctrine and tenets of faith with limited function as proscribed by tradition OR will we be the River of Life that flows unimpeded according to the will of the Father as He established in His word?

Grief

5/4/2014

Grief. I have lost a number of people in my life. I lost my mother when I was 23 years old, although she is not one I grieved over. The reasons for that are really not important. Suffice it to say that though she was my biological mother and lived in our home, I was never connected to her. My grandmother (my mother’s mother) was who I was connected to and she is the one who taught me and loved me. When she died, I grieved and grieved.

I lost my little sister in 2010. She was only 56 years old. I still miss her and ache inside for the loss of her presence, her voice, her quirky humor, her irritating way of calling me out. Others have also gone on - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, friends. There are holes in my life now. Gaping, empty places that must be filled. What am I supposed to do with the holes, the emptiness?

What does Abba say about this? He says there is a time to mourn. Since the first disobedience, grief is part and parcel of this moment we have been assigned in the time/space continuum. And there is a time to every purpose (Hebrew: desire, pleasure) under heaven. Ecclesiastes goes on to define these “desirable” things: dying, uprooting, killing, tearing down, weeping, mourning, giving up, throwing away, tearing apart, hating, war. God must be crazy, right?

Science tell us that every seven years all the cells in our bodies die. But our bodies do not die. Dying and yet not dying. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Each cell seems to pass on to the cell which replaces it the memory of the past so that the memory goes back beyond the life of the cell itself - YHVH’s plan. We would not have devised so remarkable a system of life. In fact, what we have devised (robotically) can only wear out and be replaced with new parts, nothing on the order of this amazing contradiction that life comes from dying. But our plan is not HIS plan, and who are we that we can know the mind of God?

A young couple, dear souls, whom I know more as acquaintances than close friends, birthed a baby girl that lived only hours. She was born with physical issues that stopped her ability to survive this world. The deaths I have experienced were people who lived, made choices, got sick, ran out of time. But this. How do you grieve this? My father can identify better than I, because when I lost a sister, he lost a daughter, but she had lived life and had borne her own children and even though parents are not designed to outlive their children, there was something to show for her life. YHVH’s plan does not include parents outliving children. Throughout Scripture, the pattern is for the parents to teach the children and leave them a legacy of Truth and life. What do you say when the plan doesn’t work? How do you relate unless you have been through it?

What is/was the purpose of little Hadassah’s life, or lack thereof? Some questions simply do not have answers and trite cliche comments only serve to increase the pain. We ask why and don’t get answers. Really, what explanation is there that would bring relief? I cannot imagine. Perhaps the answer is in the times of Ecclesiastes - times that we would not choose on our own, but are purposed by Yah to be recycled into new cells with bigger memory.

I hope and pray that I do not ever have to experience this kind of pain. I hope and pray that those who do can teach me something about faith and living and dying and these “desirable” things.

Passionate and Sustained Pursuit of YHVH

2/25/2014

What is this holy fire of passion? Where does it come from? How can we keep it burning?

Anger Anticipation luxurious   desperation lips

Sighing marriage kisses bosom fire

Desire secret trust Devour Consume

Spurned hatred whisper   Pleasure burning

Flattery deception attention      crushed jealousy

Heart beauty Delight    tears Joy

distress bed heart throb   anguish Abandonment



All these terms or ideas are from the Psalms. They all pertain to intimate relationships and convey physical and emotional aspects of what we call love.

We were created for fellowship, that is: companionship; intimacy; familiarity. There is something about the words of David and later, John, that reflect a level of intimacy with YHVH that we don’t see anywhere else in Scripture. A personal understanding of the very heart and emotions of the Living God.

Were they the only ones to experience this? Is it only for a select few? Does YHVH want this for me?

1 Samuel 13:14 tells us that David was a man after YHVH’s own heart, in Hebrew - lev - the seat of awareness and understanding, tenderness. He desires us to enter into and identify with Him on this level.

What made David different? Examine the following insights into David's heart and desire.

Psalm 63 > O, God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; my soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. My soul clings to You.

Psalm 16 > I have set YHVH continually before me, therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices. In Your presence is fullness of joy and in Your right hand are pleasures forever.

Psalm 36> I drink my fill of the abundance of Your house; and You give me to drink of the river of Your delights.

Psalm 27> One thing I have desired – to behold the beauty of YHVH. In the secret place of His tent, He will hide me

Psalm 42. As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You O YHVH , My soul thirsts for You

David’s emotions are laid bare in these passages. He is not embarrassed because He is acquainted with YHVH’s emotions and His love and compassion. YHVH was able to share with David His very heart – to trust him with his heart. I want that in my life.

David exercises opportunities to be serious, to vent, share his excitement, and has personal discussions and conversations with his God. This secret place of intimacy provides supernatural release of his own passions and desires as well as YHVH’s power in his life. It is a revelation of a God who takes pleasure in and delights in His people, even in weakness and immaturity.

David was a student of YHVH’s emotions. He sought to know what was burning in YVHV’s heart. He wanted to know his God.

Ez. 11:39 tells us we all receive new, soft heart when we say “yes” to Yeshua.

A hard soul/heart is full of anger, rejection, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, results of events/circumstances/perceptions. It creates a barrier preventing the new soft heart from being displayed or revealed. The barrier must be torn down to actualize total intimacy and transparency – soul healing brings a level of maturity and agreement between soul and Spirit. It is sanctification which opens us up to connect with our Creator naked and unashamed

One thing associated with David was his obedience – obedience without corresponding revelation of YHVH’s heart brings frustration and shame when we fall. David had personal knowledge of this – he failed on a number of occasions, but never lost his connection with his God. He never doubted YHVH’s passion and delight in him – regardless of his failures and weaknesses.

Often we assume YHVH is angry with failure and weakness because we don’t or can’t see the truth about how He feels about us. Scripture tells us it is not failure and weakness but rebellion that stirs YHVH’s anger. It is his kindness that leads us to repentance. When there is a “yes” to Him in our spirits it makes Him glad. If we do not get this, then we will run from Him when we fail or stumble instead of to Him as David did.

Why can’t I seem to keep the fire going? New believers have zeal and passion which flares up and eventually fizzles out. Most of us enter into another phase of our relationship with YHVH which includes sanctification, healing, learning obedience and this is a fire of a different kind and lasts longer than the first, but still ultimately loses its intensity.

Fascination with Yeshua/the Word/Spirit is the only fire that can replenish and sustain us for the long haul. We were created to be fascinated with Him – to drink from His rivers of pleasure. Only when we know what YHVH’s heart looks like can we know what we look like to Him. Only then are we able to stop being self-consious, and focus wholly and completely on Him.

Yhvh is anxiously waiting and beckoning to all who would enter this place of reckless abandonment and fearless devotion to Him. David is a picture of what Yeshua wants in His bride. Lovesick, giddy, passionate and totally enthralled. This is true worship.

Getting it Right Day 6

2/19/2014

This poem was written ten years after the initial poems in this exchange. A long time, or so it used to seem. I did a study once on time and tried to understand the unusual concept that YHVH does not operate within the time/space continuum. A day is as a thousand years to Him, a thousand years as a day - at any rate put that way so we get, to some small degree, the differences between Him and us. As I understand it, YHVH doesn’t measure time, He measures progress, direction, obedience. We are the ones who make time limits - perhaps because we are so limited.

You will see that what began ten years before is still in progress. What has changed? I have moved from recognizing there is a problem, to identifying the problem, to applying truth to the problem, and now (2007) to a new paradigm of operating within my Father’s boundaries.

Discovering my intended function and purpose as a woman has been a difficult and sometimes terrifying task. Breaking out of the small, confining, and destructive image created in the minds of males (and sadly at times, other females) is no small feat. I heard at every turn that I was rebelling against God by refusing to accept that I was less than, second class, deficient somehow, the cause and continuation of the world’s ills, all because I was woman.

I am ezer kenegdo! I am eshet chayil! As a very special new friend confirmed recently - I am awake - not perfect - but definitely awake! I am in process, moving forward, and not looking back. I am becoming what my Creator intended. And I am in excellent company! Praise YHVH for sisters and brothers who are willing to recognize there is a problem, to identify the problem, to apply TRUTH to the problem, and accept a new paradigm of operating within the Father’s boundaries.

BECOMING by Sherri Rogers, 2007

Dissolving in my tears that flow unimpeded
from somewhere so deep I’ve never been,
The pain is excruciating.
I cry out in anguish as the chasm deepens
And the trickle becomes a raging torrent
Gushing from places I didn’t know existed,
Carrying with it flux and debris long entrenched
Like huge boulders mostly buried in mountain rivers.

Massive ideas and perceptions, abuses,
That shaped my soul into what I thought was me.
O, gentle eroding water-Word
O, insistent, persistent Spirit-wind
How frustrating, how uncomfortable,
how thorough, how welcome.

And I wonder how much my impatience increases my pain.
My inability to wait quietly
Accepting the process
Allowing it to do the work, and yet . . .
I have been told to seek, to push, to come up higher, to delve deeper.

Teach me O, Breath of God, Spirit that is my life
what is my work and what is Yours and
Who I am and what I am to become.

Getting it Right Day 5

2/18/2014

The poem I share today came out of the realization that most of us don't have a clue. Our relationships have no depth -even married people. Things, how we look, who we know, what we know, where we go, the make of our car, the neighborhood we live in, whether you have seen the latest movie, who won the super bowl, how many 'friends' you have on facebook - these dominate our conversation. I use the word conversation to define not only how we talk but in the biblical sense of how we live.

Our Torah study group has been in the chapters of Genesis that give the account of Sodom and Gomorrah. A couple of weeks ago, the facilitator brought up the curious case of Ethan Couch, the 16 year old Texas boy who got ten years of probation for driving drunk and killing four people. Affluence and lack of proper parental guidance was the defense. Ezekiel 16:49 tells us that this was a key element that brought down the horrific judgement on Sodom and Gomorrah, Admah, and Zeboim.

Mercy always precedes judgement. The root or base sins of pride and selfishness were at the core of the depravity that became a way of life for the cities of the plain. Clearly Lot made some bad choices, but his "conversation", his concern for the well-being of strangers was a thorn in the sides of the affluent and spoiled I-will-do-what-I-want citizens of this beautiful place. Was the visitation of the angels and Lot's response to the situation in essence one last opportunity for the people of Sodom to do the right thing? Think of Ninevah.

There is a lot of discussion about the judge's ruling in the case mentioned above. Is it really about our opinion of what should have happened, or are we being shown something? Are we being granted mercy in the form of a judgement pronounced on a sixteen year old that we all need to study and learn from?

We are being challenged to take an inventory. We do not study for the sake of study. We study to LEARN - to put into practice what we have studied. How does my life need to change to reflect Torah, the will of my heavenly Father, instead of the world and my superficial worldly connections?

OUT OF TOUCH by Sherri Rogers (1998)

The rooms of the houses are full to overflowing
but they are empty and cold
void of that which money cannot buy.

They sit in their rooms full of things,
accumulations of security
that do not love or touch or cry.

Basking in the glow of artificial light
and superficial friendships
that pass like ships in the night

Feeling manufactured love that doesn’t warm
and is slipped on and off
like a jacket for a storm.

The heart is so hard, the walls are so high
the bondage to things so difficult to be broken
The mind of reason must give way
to the Spirit of God through the word He has spoken

A heart of flesh for a heart of stone
transformed by the blood of the Lamb
The idols smashed, the alters torn down
cleansed and perfected by the Great I Am.

Getting it Right Day 4

2/17/2014

My precious mishpochah,

I called a longtime friend this morning to talk over a 'situation'. She has a history of physical neglect and abuse that is on a par with sex trafficking and slavery. She has made a choice to become a victor instead of a victim. After a hiatus in our relationship, she is back with a vengeance! More healing, more refining, more of what Abba wants for her life. The poems I am sharing were written years ago during the foundational healing of my life. They focus on verbal abuse, something I have recently been subjected to - again - by someone who should know better. This is the 'situation'.

I received some clarity and insight as I walked this morning and called to discuss it with her. Sometimes, I get the sense that because they are words and not violent physical attacks - either beatings or sexually - that they should not carry the same weight. Sticks and stones and all that. As we spoke and I poured out my heart, I was struck by her ability to empathize with my pain as if it were like hers. I guess it takes one to know one. And I am aware that verbal abuse leaves just as many and just as deep scars as physical abuse. I think I knew it in my head, but she helped bring it home to my heart. I will not let this pass again as if it doesn't matter because they are 'only' words and not fists.

YHVH tells us that the power of life and death is in the tongue. When do we get to justify our verbal cruelty and vicious word attacks? Because this is the 'situation', back when the poems were written and now.

We also talked about the fact that I am a woman and these words came from a man, supposedly a believer. This is not the first time with this particular person. You can know Torah, but if you are not doing Torah, there is no life in what you say or do.

THROW AWAYS by Sherri Rogers (1997)

The paper is expensive. It’s shiny and new.
It hides inside what it’s supposed to.
It is only used once and then it’s discarded
Ripped and creased, no longer regarded
As useful or pretty or something to keep
Thrown away with the rest of the trash on the heap.
Like the lives of those who once were whole
And now sit defeated and all alone.
Crushed by the ones who used them to gain
Their selfish desires without thought of the pain.

Once beautiful faces with eyes full of life
Now lined with torment and racked with strife.
Left even by those who said they cared
Self appointed judges who wouldn’t dare
To lower themselves to take the hand
Of the abused and down trodden to help them stand
For fear they’ll become like the ones they touch
Or mocked and chided for caring too much.

From YHVH’s love you cannot escape
In His Kingdom there are no throw aways.
"In as much as you have done it to the least of these
My child, you have done it unto Me."

Getting it Right Day 3

2/16/2014

Cognitive dissonance is a term used to explain the attempt to reconcile two opposing ideas or beliefs. It is what happens when you come face to face with reality that isn’t what you thought it was. For most people, living in a perception of what should be rather than what is, becomes a form of self preservation. Take an abused child, for instance. Often they will formulate fantasies about themselves or their abuser or both in order to deal with the horror of their reality.

At some point, the truth must be faced, a choice must be made. You can accept the truth and let go of the lie/fantasy about yourself or your perpetrators or you will become the lie. This is the ultimate goal of Hegelian dialectic - to pit two opposites against each other and somehow bring them into harmony. For this to happen, each opposite must give up something to look more like the other. On one side you have lie, on the other you have truth and when they meet somewhere in the middle, you have compromise.

Compromise takes off some of the edge, but it never brings peace. These poems came out of my struggle with cognitive dissonance. They lent voice to what I was being shown about who and what I really was versus what I had believed I was because of what I had been told or taught.

WALLS by Sherri Rogers (1997)

Way down inside, protected inside, down in the innermost part
Strange how it’s shattered and beaten and battered
This thing called the human heart.

“I love you,” they say,
but their actions betray
the words their lips have spoken.

In the pain rushes,
it sears and it crushes
and the tender heart is broken.

The hardening starts to protect from the hurt
and the walls are methodically erected.
The fortress is grand, it’s built to withstand
and it keeps the heart protected.

But the toughness that’s gained is only feigned
because the hurt remains
Locked up inside, sheltered inside, protected inside
the walls made to keep out the pain.

So it builds and grows and no one knows
Because of the mask you wear
Until once again the pain takes its toll
And becomes too much to bear.

The only way out is to cry out
To the One who created the heart
He’ll answer your call and tear down the walls
And cause the healing to start.

Only He can mend the terrible rend
caused by the destructive voices
Of those that can’t feel, can only steal
your peace and trust by their choices.

They will continue, they do what they do.
No doubt they’ll hurt you again
But the One who has mended forever has ended
the destruction caused by their sin.

The heart of flesh that was turned to stone
has been to flesh restored
And it still feels pain, but can also retain
the love and squeeze of the Lord.